1 November 2010
Successful Intentions Newsletter
Hi ,
Are you a man or a mouse?
Do other people take advantage of your good nature? Do you find yourself saying "yes" to stop from feeling guilty? Do you go along with someone else's plans just to keep the peace? Do you need to confront poor performance in the workplace but you don't want to upset anyone?
You need to "man up"! And it's not about aggression or self-importance. It's about skill. You can get it if you're skilled enough. And the most important skill is to get in first!
Here's how it works. To get in first you need to be the one to start the conversation. And you only have 30 to 60 seconds to get your point across! What do you say?
- First, you have to know what it is you want, or what you're complaining about. What, specifically have you noticed? What observations have you made? What evidence is there for the issue you want to raise?
- Target the issue not the person. Everyone gets defensive when they feel they're being attacked. Your mission is to fly under the radar by aiming at the specific behaviour.
- Don't fluff about or try to soften your language to be nice. Be respectful, but be direct. What's really at stake for you here? make a declaration about what's important to you as a consequence of the issue you've observed. Tell it from your side first.
- Then finish with a question. "What's your view on this?" "How do you see it?" "How do you respond?" Remember, he who asks the questions controls the conversation. That's true for famous interviewers and it can work for you too. Finish with a question, and then wait for an answer.
And that's it! 30 to 60 seconds. Quick and deadly. They never see it coming. Just the way an owl swoops in and snatches the mouse!
In fact, that's the name of this particular skill - the OWL!
- O is for "Observations". Be clear about what you've directly observed. Not opinion, or judgement, or hearsay. But something about which there is evidence.
- W is for "What's at stake". What do you think the consequences might be? How serious is this for you? What's really important for you? This is, perhaps your one and only opportunity to state your case.
- L is for "Listen", or "Lead in to discussion". Ask an open question, and then listen for a response. You could have it wrong. So asking a question respectfully gives the other person the benfit of the doubt.
You can get it if you really want, . You just have to know what it is, and then send in an OWL to retrieve it!
You can download the OWL! Model here.
And explore my "Wisdom Circle" blog for musings, research, and applications of practical wisdom!
Keep your intentions clear,
Peter Webb
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